


all that I could hope for

by lesbianbettycooper



Series: riverdale fics [4]
Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Archie Andrews (hes very repressed though), Character Study, Denial of Feelings, Friendship/Love, Gay Jughead Jones (kind of. its not really brought up but he is gay in this.), M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Post-Episode: s03e06 Chapter Forty-One: Manhunter, Pre-Relationship, archie is doing a lot of repressing, canon compliant (sort of), this was supposed to just be a jarchie fic but it kind of turned into a
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-09-02 07:34:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16782514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianbettycooper/pseuds/lesbianbettycooper
Summary: Archie isn’t particularly smart but he’s always been good at knowing when someone is faking nonchalance -- a voice in his head tells him that no, he really hasn’t; that a few days ago Joaquin had kissed him and then stabbed him and he’d had no idea that anything had been going on with the other boy.or; archie is really going through it and jughead isnt particularly helpful bc theyre both kind of (very) dumb gays





	all that I could hope for

**Author's Note:**

> title from yr heart is beating by lontalius
> 
> some notes: while writing this i didnt really think of varchie even though theyre super valid so in this fic varchie werent/arent together and neither are bughead

Archie is trying so very hard to pretend to be alright as they make their way down the tracks.

Jughead has asked him if he’s okay twice since they started walking, quiet and casual, not prodding but not a question set up to be ignored. 

Archie isn’t particularly smart but he’s always been good at knowing when someone is faking nonchalance -- _ a voice in his head tells him that no, he really hasn’t; that a few days ago Joaquin had kissed him and then stabbed him and he’d had no idea that anything had been going on with the other boy.  _

_ He ignores it; ignores the pain that shoots through his wound at the thought of Joaquin's betrayal; ignores the ache in his chest at the thought of Joaquin, dead, sacrificed to some psycho in a costume. _

“I’m,” Archie starts, a little shakily, keeps his eyes ahead of him even as he feels Jug’s stare on the side of his face, “I’m sorry about Joaquin. He was your friend. My friend too.”

That hadn't been what Archie was trying to say, he had been trying to talk about Veronica or Betty, he had been trying very hard to not say anything at all about Joaquin. His mouth had other ideas.

Jughead shrugs besides him, hefting his bag further up his shoulder, scoffing, “He shivved you, Arch. Aligned himself with the gargoyle gang. Had it coming.”

Archie doesn't know how but he can tell that Jug is faking his casual voice again, can just  _ tell  _ that his terseness is completely for show; his voice shakes on the last few words and Archie hears him sniff, sees, out of the corner of his eye, Jughead drag a shaky hand over his face.

Archie is shocked by how young Jughead suddenly seems. And then he’s shocked again by his shock. Wonders when they stopped being kids, when they stopped partying and having sex and fun and, well, Archie supposes Jug was never really like that but he was so much  _ younger  _ last year, was much less worn down, much less defeated and sad and scared and-

Archie feels a sudden, clawing want-  _ a need _ \- spread through him to go back in time. 

He wants to stop the Lodges from ever coming to Riverdale, wants to stop Clifford Blossom from killing Jason, wants to have never pursued a relationship with Geraldine Grundy, wants to have never stopped being friends with Jughead in the first place. 

He wants to be 14 again and happy and laughing with Jug and Betty, and he wants to sing with the Pussycats again, and he wants his mom and dad to hug him and tell him they love him, and he wants, he wants, he wants. He wants so much he can  _ never have again _ .

The thought sends another ache through Archie’s chest, another sharp pain in his wound; it springs forth tears and makes him shake his head too quickly, “Don’t. Please, Please don’t say that, Jug. Please. Joaquin was- Joaquin was one of the few things that kept me going in juvie, he was good and he hurt me but he didn't deserve to die, he-” 

Archie breathes deep and moves to the side, tries to collect his thoughts, tries to do anything to calm himself down; Jughead is looking at him, he’s moved off of the tracks too, the other side of them. He feels as if the two feet between them are really miles, and it  _ hurts  _ because it feels like he’s spent so much time trying to get back to him only to have ended up on the other side of another wall. Archie wants the other boy to stand beside him, wants to wrap his arms around him and sob into his shoulder, wants so badly for the space between them to be minute, barely there.

“Things are so messed up Jug,” Archie says after he’s gotten his breathing under control, “ _ We’re _ so messed up.”

Jughead flinches at that, slides his eyes away from Archie’s own and stares at a place beside his head, a stubborn set to his jaw. 

Archie continues anyway, pretends he doesn't notice that Jughead is adamantly trying to ignore what the redhead is saying (you’ve been pretending an awful lot lately, haven’t you, the voice in his head says, Archie ignores it again), “Everything is  _ so  _ messed up. It’s like this town went into a spiral and hasn’t stopped since. Why are things so- so  _ fucked _ ?”

Jug doesn’t answer him, Archie thinks he might see the other boys shoulders lift, just slightly, like an aborted shrug or something of the sort, so he presses on, turning to keep walking beside the train tracks, the distance between them makes his chest feel heavy, “I think it's the adults.” 

He tries to stop himself but he can’t help turning and looking to see Jughead’s reaction; the brunette it walking too, contemplation on his face, Archie almost smiles because it's so similar to how he’d looked when Archie used to offer dumb questions to him. Questions like ‘would you rather have to drink a little bit of your pee every day for a month or eat someone else's poo once?’ and countless games of F, M, K and other silly things that seem like life or death at age 12. 

(If Archie is being honest with himself, the look is a lot more similar to what had been on Jug’s face one night, at 14, when Archie had searched the other boys face and asked, into the darkness of his room, if he would rather kiss Betty or himself. But he’s not being honest with himself, so he pretends that he doesn’t even think of that night.)

“Every grown up I’ve ever looked up to seems to have let me down.” Jughead finally offers up and Archie almost crows in relief, instead, he nods.

“Me too. Or they’ve taken advantage of me. And, I- I think it was the same for Joaquin.”

The other boy looks up at him, a sad look flitting across his face before he looks back down at his feet and continues on, picking up his pace and saying nothing.

Archie stands in shock for a moment before jogging to catch up, he moves to stand on the tracks again, grabbing Jughead’s hand, “Don’t blame Joaquin.” His tone holds no room for argument and he wonders briefly how he’s mustered up all of this quiet confidence, “Please. If you need to blame anyone,  _ anything _ , blame Riverdale, blame the Goddamn Gargoyle King, or Warden North, blame m-”

He doesn’t finish because Jughead fixes him with a glare so fierce he can’t force the words out of his stubborn mouth. Archie can’t form his thoughts for the split second between Jughead pulling him down towards him and then the boy’s arms wrapping around him. 

He hugs him back, pushing away the slight disappointment building in his gut and the equal amount of confusion at that same disappointment; he ignores why he’d thought that Jug might be about to kiss him, ignores his sadness at the fact that he hadn't, and he wraps his arms around his best friend. 

Archie pulls away first, keeps their hands intertwined, and pulls Jughead back onto the tracks; he pretends the warmth in his belly is just a flare of pain from his wound and mutters, “Let’s keep going.”

Jug doesn’t remove his hand from Archie’s and Archie doesn’t say anything about the small smile on Jughead’s face.

**Author's Note:**

> JARCHIE RISE!!!
> 
> honestly their scene together put me through it. i wrote a very long series of messages about the subtext and repression in the scene and then i launched into this (thats why its messy and rushed and barely makes sense jsdkfhjksd) but god.... RAS really said "maybe homos deserve rights too" huh?
> 
> also apologies for this mostly being about joaquin bc his death also... Made Me Very Upset and i like to pretend that his friends werent actually mostly unphased by it.
> 
> as always kudos and comments are Greatly appreciated and if you want to yell about jarchie then you can message me on tumblr at @dykejoji and i will almost definitely scream back sjfhksdf


End file.
